Day 1--Learning to Keep My Mouth Shut

So, I had been introduced to 5 co-workers, one male, four female, and given a huge binder, which contained policy. For several hours I was instructed to read and understand this strange legal guide to the practice of child welfare. Since I had no prior knowledge of child welfare, it may as well have been written in a foreign language.

I was scheduled for 6 months of training, one day a week, to indoctrinate me with the perspective of the agency. My boss and co-workers were supposed to give me hands on experience for a couple of weeks before I would be thrown out there to sink or swim. Each co-worker gave me morsels of advice.

1. Meet priority, 1 hour, 24 hours, or 72 hours, depending on whether there is blood, a perpetrator in the home, then, everything else.
2. Drive back to the house over and over again, because home visits must be unannounced and are required.
3. Call law enforcement first. It is their case if it is potentially criminal, and you can get in trouble without their permission to approach, but good luck getting the Sgt. to answer the phone before priority runs out.
4. Call your detective and keep him/her on his/her toes, because they will let cases sit or slide.
5. Know your community resources so you can tell people where to go for help.
6. Learn how to interview without leading questions.
7. Cover your butt by staffing cases with your supervisor. If you go down, and haven’t followed policy, no one will protect you.
8. Get your paperwork done ASAP, or it will get away from you and digging out is a nightmare.
9. There are hours of paperwork for each case, but at least it is now computerized.

Around noon, Lori, got a red tag. This was a 24 hour priority case because a step brother and sister were having sex in the home. And, a friend, a third female was involved. Mack sent me along to watch and learn.

Lori was 40ish, a mother with two kids of her own. She had been doing this work about 10 years. I learned over time she was probably one of the better workers on the team. She called law enforcement (LE). A detective agreed to meet at the school. She drove her own car and explained how to write down and turn in mileage claims as we drove. I read the case report as we neared the school.

It stated that a mother had come into the Jr. High that day and requested a locker change. The school personnel said, “If we change everybody’s locker just because they want it changed, we would have hundreds of requests, no way.” Mother replied, “But my daughter’s locker partner had sex with her and she doesn’t want to be friends with her anymore.”

What? I reread the allegations. These were 7th grade students! They could easily be the 6th graders I had taught the previous spring! Apparently the mother continued to tell the school secretary that her daughter had a threesome with her girlfriend and the stepbrother of the girlfriend. I thought it couldn’t possibly be true, seriously, 12 years old having a threesome… no way. Further, if my daughter had sex with someone at age 12 or 13, I wouldn’t simply ask for a locker change, I would be calling the police myself, or at least confronting the other parents.

We arrived at the school, met Det. Trimble, a female. After some paperwork, showing ID and badges, the alleged victim was brought to a conference room. Det. Trimble and Lori explained to the victim, Mary, that she wasn’t in trouble, and they proceeded to ask questions that would elicit honest explanations about what had happened. They did not come right out and ask why she had sex with her friends, but it was clear the girl knew why they were there to speak with her.

Mary seemed reluctant. She tipped her head downward, her face showed embarrassment. Frequently she looked up and to the side as if thinking about her answer. She twisted her hands in her lap, shredded a tissue.

Mary said her friends Stacy and Bryan forced her to have sex. She said they tied her up, held a knife to her throat, and then both assaulted her. She said this happened sometime during the summer. When asked why she told now, rather than weeks ago, she admitted that Stacy said some bad things about her to other friends and she was embarrassed. She told so her mom would get her locker changed. Det. Trimble questioned about the knife and how she was tied up. Mary indicated they got the knife from the kitchen and tied her to the bedposts with towels from the kitchen. Later, she said they entered the home through a basement door and said they found the knife on top of the dresser. She reported they engaged in oral sex, each on the other 2, the boy had penetrated both girls vaginally and anally, and they had stuck pencils into each other. She said they used a condom so they wouldn’t get pregnant. Mary insisted she had been forced. Her story was detailed and showed a great deal of sexual knowledge. I was more than shocked, and I was doubtful of her story.

The minute she left, and before the next child was brought down, I said, “I don’t think she was forced. How can you engage in oral sex if you are tied up, and further, she talked about getting the knife from the kitchen but then later said they found it on the dresser.” Lori eagerly said, "Wow, I didn’t notice that." Det. Trimble had a puzzled look on her face but said nothing.

The other two children were interviewed. They told a similar story about engaging in every sexual situation they could imagine, and added that it was Mary’s idea and that Mary had stolen a condom from the 7-11 store on the corner. Bryan said the condom wouldn’t fit because he wasn’t big enough yet, and so they tied it on with a rubber band. He said they only had one so he used it on both girls, up their butts, and in their crotch. He told about the pencils and said they threw them away after because they were disgusting. He also informed that Mary had introduced them to pornography on her home computer. He was surprised when the detective asked about whether they tied Mary up. He said. “No, but we watched some porn where a girl was tied up.” Stacy gave a corroborating statement. Everything matched except she added that Mary had started telling everyone that Stacy and Bryan were having sex, so Stacy had set the record straight. She explained that is why Mary got mad, because then everyone started talking about her too. Both Stacy and Bryan were quite matter of fact, although after they were told their parents were being called down, they panicked, got very serious, and weepy.

The various parents were as shocked as I was. Again, I kept thinking of my former students. Up until this moment, I was naïve and innocent, but no longer! Lori spoke with the parents of Stacy and Bryan and they agreed to a safety plan that would keep the two kids separated. They agreed both would go to sex abuse treatment with a local agency that operated within the values of their religion. Det. Trimble said they might be charged as juveniles and appear in court, even though everything appeared consensual. Now, they were mad. Lori gave a detailed description of the juvenile process and helped the parents understand that supervision and treatment would help the kids understand boundaries and hopefully refrain from repeat offenses. They worried whether they should hire an attorney. They wondered why we were involved at all. This was after all, normal kid stuff.

I thought, “good grief, normal kid stuff”. I surely did not know of any kids who had done so much in one afternoon, at least voluntarily! I must have been sheltered!

Mary’s mother was equally defensive and argued that her daughter couldn’t possibly have accessed porn on the home computer. But sure enough, when the detectives searched the home and computer, there it was, saved and hidden right under mom’s nose. Further, there was no headboard that Mary could have been tied to in the basement bedroom.

The locker was changed. All 3 kids were charged because in this state, no one can give consent under the age of 14, even if the other kid is also under 14.

I felt proud of myself. My comments about the knife had helped Detective Trimble see the truth. Then Mack called me into his office the next morning. “What were you thinking?” he accused. “Did you think you were so smart that you could tell the detective how to solve the case?” I was humbled but stuck my chin up in self-defense as he shook his head in shame at me. I turned red but remained silent.

Then Mack gave me my first REAL lesson. Keep your mouth shut. Don’t ever burn bridges with your community partners or co-workers and always build up the egos of detectives if you want them to run when you need them. He also explained that no matter what I thought I knew, they looked at me as stupid and green and I would need to wait at least a year before ever offering an opinion again. Then he winked and said with a smile, “but Lori told me you were right on and that you were actively thinking and watching everything. Good work.”

Ok, OK, I will try to keep my mouth shut, but for me that is a VERY difficult assignment. At least he didn’t tell me to stop thinking.